Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Finished Chapter 19; 34,534 words
Writing tip: I wrote a sentence and then looked at it with my editor eye. I began trimming.
Her tight muscles complained as she followed Rayn’s directions to slowly stretch each set to loosen them.
It was just too long, saying more than was needed. First of all, why say "to loosen them"? I already said they were tight muscles so it is pretty apparent the stretching was done to loosen them. I have pretty intelligent readers. Authors should respect the brain power of their audience.
Do I have to say "each set"? Nah. How many of you quickly stretch? I didn't hear anyone say, "Me, me!" So slowly gets deleted.
Now the sentences says,
Her tight muscles complained as she followed Rayn's directions to stretch.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
“Good afternoon.” His smile reinforced his cheerful greeting. “Business has been rather slim these past few weeks. We’re mighty glad you stopped. Come ashore and rest a bit. My mom makes the best traveler’s stew on the river. We’ve clean, soft beds, and bathtubs on every floor, and even a shower on the second.”
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Tipper gritted her teeth against the pain that shot from her foot, up her shin, and beyond her knee.
Tipper gasped as the pain shot from her foot, up her shin, and beyond her knee.
The red flag in the original sentence is the word "that." As soon as I saw "that," I knew to reread and rewrite if possible. A writer does not have to eradicate all "thats" from her work, but it is good to see if the sentence would benefit from rephrasing. I switched from "gritted her teeth" to "gasped" not because I wanted fewer words but because I acted out in my mind what reaction I would have to the first time I took a step on an injured foot. I would grit my teeth on the second step. On the first, I would be surprised by the severity of the pain.