After a non-productive week, it feels very good,
Still on chapter 30; word count 54,078
Writing Tip: don't repeat words and don't forget contractions in dialogue.
Tears surprised Tipper, running down her cheeks. She swiped at them but not before her kimen guide saw them.
Got to get rid of them twice. She swiped at her cheeks? No, cheeks is in the previous sentence. Leave of the second them? No, the sentence ends too abruptly. Running down her face. She swiped at her cheeks? Better. Maybe I'll keep that.
"You are tired and hungry. I will bring you a cool cloth and you can wash your face. Then you are to lay down and rest."
Better: "You're tired and hungry. I'll bring you a cool cloth. You can wash your face, then you're to lie down and rest."
Got to fix lay to lie. Lay/lie always traps me. And Kimen have a short sentence pattern. Plus this kimen is bossy, so I rearranged the syntax a little bit.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Mrs. Paul is a fantasy author and grandma. 
Posts
haha. I'm tripped up by lay and lie sometimes too. Aren't they both technically correct though?
ReplyDeleteI like your sentences. They always seem so solid and easy to read.
Swiped at her cheeks. Nice.
Keep it up Mrs. paul and don't worry too much, you always have everything perfect in the end.
ReplyDeleteI like what you're doing in this blog. It always seems to bring me around to just the things I am struggling with.
ReplyDeleteDo I understand that it's your birthday today, despite the spurious information on Facebook? If so, Happy Birthday! And may you have many more.
ReplyDelete