Passive Voice

Finished 38, started 39; 67,609 word count

Writing tip: the subject needs to act, not be acted upon.

He was briefly stalled by two guards at the door to the tent.

At the door to the tent, two guards briefly stalled him.

Passive Voice

Finished Chapter 24 and started 25; 43,110 word count

Writer's tip:

Passive voice is less engaging than active. Writers always want the reader as engaged in the story as possible.

I changed this sentence:

Odidoddex sent out his army, and all the best animals were confiscated.

to:

Odidoddex sent out his army and confiscated all the best animals.

The first part of the first sentence is fine. Odidoddex actively sends out the army. In the second sentence, the subject animals receive the action. If I had said the animals ran like crazy to get away, the animals would be actively running. As it is, they just stand around and get confiscated. In the second example Odidoddex is again being active. Or rather his army is, by his command.

A passive voice sentence can be used once in a while, but it is better to rearrange when possible.

Bonus tip:

A better construction for that second sentence is:

Odidoddex sent out his army to confiscate all the best animals.