Writer's tip: Variation of sentence patterns is essential.
My first rendition of this part of the scene came out like this:
He took off his wizard's hat and fanned himself for a moment. He jammed the hat back on his head and glared at the river.
Reading this again, and especially if read out loud, it sounds clunky.
I didn't change much but the slight shifting of the sentence structure makes a world of difference.
He took off his wizard's hat and fanned himself. After a moment, he crammed the hat back on his head and glared at the river.
Mrs. Paul is a fantasy author and grandma. 
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Great tip! I noticed that you said "he crammed the head back on his head". I'm assuming that's a typo? =) LOL, I do typos like that all the time.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Brianna. I fixed it.
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