Writer's tip:
Author Intrusion occurs when the author slips out of the current POV and adds information that does not directly connect with the POV's observations. I had a minor one today.
His end had slipped into the water.
Rewrite:
He spotted his end thrashing in the water, out of reach.
The second sentence keeps the reader in the POV's head and it evokes a more active vision. Also, the words out of reach generate a feeling of apprehension. Uh-oh! How's he going to get it.
Mrs. Paul is a fantasy author and grandma. 
Posts
Oh! Like, his end of a rope? 'Cus I was thinkin' his tuckus.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm not sure ... does the end of a rope thrash around?
ReplyDeleteIf the rope is floating in turbulent water, it thrashes.
ReplyDeleteKersley, you had me ROFLOL. The sentence before talks about the ropes. So yes it is a rope, not a part of his anatomy.
ReplyDelete